Healthy Relationships

[Sage Wellness Center]      Advocating Healthy Relationships

·       Healthy Relationships

·       Healthy Communication

·       Recognizing and Reacting to Unhealthy Relationship

·       Resources

Healthy Relationships

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Do you want the “perfect” relationship or a HEALTHY relationship?

Common Traits of Healthy Relationships

1.      Communication

2.      Mutual trust between partners

3.      A sense of security

4.      The ability to share self-disclosures without the fear of being judged

5.      Reciprocation of feelings

6.      Simple greeting

7.      Calling your partner by name

8.      Conversing about common events

9.      Praising your partner

10.    Sharing memories

11.    Doing things together

The excitement of a new partner is almost always effortless and can cloud over personal wants and need.  Therefore, it is imperative that couples explore and establish healthy boundaries as well as maintain the following traits.

 

[power wheel]

 

Ask yourself these basic questions and answer with a “yes” or “no”

1.      My partner and I have good communication.

2.      We have trust in one another.

3.      There is mutual respect between us.

4.      We have common interest.

5.      We are able to perceive things differently without expecting each other to see things the other’s way.

6.      I feel valued intellectually, emotionally, and if intimate, physically.

7.      I am able to grow independently, and I support my partner’s growth, thus our relationship is also able to grow

8.      We have activities and friends outside the relationship.

9.      We accept each other and do not try to change one another.

10.    Our relationship adds joy to my life.

 

If you answer “no” to any of the above questions you may want to explore the health of your relationship.

 

Analyze the Pros and Cons of your relationship

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Research indicates that The Magic Ratio is 5:1.  That meaning, in a healthy relationship for every negative feeling or interaction that a couple had they had five positive feelings or interactions

Healthy Communication

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Communication is essential to building a healthy relationship. Both partners need to be able to express positive and negative feelings, complaints, needs and affection. It is more than just talking. A persons posture is a non-verbal way of communication and can say a lot of how that person is feeling.

Healthy Communication Skills

·         Maintain eye contact while talking

·         Listen to what your partner is saying

·         Let your partner speak without interruptions

·         Try to understand what the other person is saying or feeling

·         Don’t raise your voice or take on a defensive posture

Back to Basics

·         Set aside time to talk about distractions

·         Be open and honest with each other about your feelings

·         Always negotiate

 

What’s Your Type of Communication?

Aggressive

You or your partner become verbally abusive, which sometimes leads to physical abuse

Your communication consists of provoking, controlling, and intimidating each other

*Not recommended to sustain a healthy relationship

Passive-Aggressive

You or your partner express anger in retaliation opposed to directly expressing it towards partner

Ex: Your find yourself talking to another person at a party, which makes your partner jealous. Instead of communicating, your partner becomes angry and decides to ignore you—but will never say why, and after some time, your partner will act like nothing is wrong.

*Not recommended to sustain a healthy relationship

Passive

You or your partner avoid confrontation-at all costs

The lack of communication leads to your partner thinking for you, making decisions for you, and telling you what to do.

*Not recommended to sustain a healthy relationship

Assertive

You and your partner know how each other is feeling and what they want.

You and your partner express your feelings honestly and without hesitation

*Recommended to sustain a healthy relationship

Are you still not sure? Try these Relationship Surveys and see where you stand.

·        http://www.mkcocharo.com/services/survey/

·        http://www.gottman.com/qz1/HowWellDoYouKnowYourPartner.html

Recognizing and Reacting to Unhealthy Relationships

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Recognizing and reacting to an unhealthy relationship is not always easy.  If you are dealing with relational aggressions, it may be time to actively change or leave the relationship.

Relational Aggression – the psychological and emotional abuse.  It is when the relationship is used to hurt the other person 

Productive Resolutions

1.      Be honest to yourself and your partner about the status of your relationship

2.      Be willing to consider your partner’s perspective

3.      Always communicate

When it’s time to leave

1.      You are scared of what would happen if you attempted to leave

2.      You feel you have no one to turn to for help

3.      No longer find happiness in the relationship

4.      You want the abuse to end

Leaving a loved one is not going to be an easy step in the relationship.  If you are being abused it is imperative that you engage in safe planning and devise a way to seek help at places such as a local battered woman’s shelter.

Safe Planning

1.      Know the number of your local battered woman’s shelter

2.      Keep a journal of any violent incidences (dates, events, threats)

3.      Take photographs of physical abuse

4.      Change phone number

5.      Change routine work hours, our routes of transportation

 

 

Resources

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Albany Wellness Center: albanywellnesscenter@sage.edu & (518) 292 – 1917

Troy Wellness Center: troywellnesscenter@sage.edu & (518) 244 – 2261

Dating Basic Website: http://www.loveisrespect.org/

 

  Rensselaer County:

  Rensselaer County Sexual Assault Care Center

  24- hour Hotline at (518) 271-3257
  http://www.NortheastHealth.com/SACC

  Unity House of Troy 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline at (518) 272-2370
  http://www.unityhouseny.org/services/services_detail.cfm?ID=4

  Albany County:

  Albany County Crime Victim & Sexual Violence 24 Hour Hotline: (518) 447-7716
   http://www.albanycounty.com/cvsvc

   Equinox 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline at (518) 432 7865
   http://www.equinoxinc.org/whatwedo/dv.php

 

This page was created by the following Sage students in CRM 310/PSYC348, Victims and Their Experiences: Kenneth Barnes, Ellie Grady, and Zachary Scher. 

References

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Cloud, J. D. PhD., (2012, November 19). Characteristics of Healthy Relationships. Retrieved from http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a115.htm

Demian Yumei Blog: http://www.relationalaggression.net/blog/what-is-relational-aggression/

Dr. Phil Webpage http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/543

Mary Kay Cocharo Webpage http://www.mkcocharo.com/services/survey/

Relationships Australia Webpage http://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-advice/relationship-advice-topics/developing-positive-and-respectful-relationships/communication

The Gottman Relationship Inst. http://www.gottman.com/qz1/HowWellDoYouKnowYourPartner.html

The University of San Diego Wellness Center Webpage http://www.sandiego.edu/

The Unoversity of TX Wellness Center Webpage http://www.cmhc.utexas.edu/

Young, M. A. (2004, April 1). Healthy Relationships: Where’s the Research?. The Family Journal, 12, 159-162.